Confidentiality for Pastors - A New Pathway to Spiritual Equilibrium

Anointing
 Under Construction 


But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him (1 John 2:27).
 
Now he which stablisheth us with you in Christ, and hath anointed us, is God; Who hath also sealed us, and given the earnest of the Spirit in our hearts (2 Corinthians 21:22).
Anointing under construction; pieces of myself are scattered all over the world. Pain and suffering have been my daily bread for decades. 

Anointing under construction; I have discovered that nothing is really free. Often I have paid with tiny pieces of my dignity; from homelessness to AFDC, a motel with a kitchenette, low-rent housing where gunfights were held every night and in the morning light blood stains were on the concrete streets of death.

Anointing under construction; eventually it will cost you everything. There is nothing that you can hold back; the Grim 
Reaper searches every corner of your life ascertaining any weak areas, shoring up your eternal soul with a healthy dose of pain and suffering.

Anointing under construction; there was a time when I could barely walk. It sent me to talk to Jesus. I had no access to medical care; it just wasn't there. How was I to get the help I needed with a little child? After awhile I heard Jesus speak to me telling me to drink three glasses of water a day for three days. I obeyed him, the poison was flushed out of my system, and the sores on my legs began to heal. Still, I know nothing is really free. 
The anointing will cost you everything, so gather all your pains and woes, put them in a basket and take it to the altar of sacrifice giving your whole life to Christ. 

Anointing under construction; the church is in a backslidden state. I was asked to leave until I could get the proper dress. My only pair of pants, my only clothing was not good enough. There I was having just ended a seven day fast going to church to praise the Lord and found myself in a conversation with the pastor who refused to hear my explanation for why it did not matter what I wore. He was adamant that I could not return unless I wore a dress. If I didn't have the money to buy a dress someone there would give me the material to make a dress.
Anointing under construction; My glowing sun faded that day and church became to me an irrelevancy. From time to time I may attend a conference here and there, but my name is currently not on a church membership list. I did try it a few times more, but I found that the door going out the "church" was always more attractive than the door going in the "church". 

Anointing under construction; becoming acquainted with rejection from the "body of Christ" became a normalcy; a church full of hypocrisy. Woe is me, my love for God is the center of my world. I cannot comprehend it being any other way. Sinful liaisons are permeating the atmosphere of God's created majesty. He died to give us the gift of eternal life. What have we done? We have polluted his holy temple and inside we are full of dead men's bones, having divorced our first love in lieu of all that is untrue; things and people that will pass away with the very next day.

Anointing under construction; layer after layer, the deconstruction of my very soul, torn asunder, plundered by the hatred of the devil's disciples, yet and still I feel the pieces of the left over remnants of myself coming together once again. I am slowly becoming unrecognizable to myself. For awhile I thought my mirror was lying to me. I just could not reconcile the image of myself staring back at me, the reflection of a battle worn warrior with thousands of scars hidden deeply inside of me.

Anointing under construction; scars that reflect themselves in the haunted look in my eyes, and the dark circles decorating my face beneath my eyes. Surprise me, oh my God, and lend to me another face to wear, another body to adorn the spirit you have placed inside of me so that I can hide the disgrace of the warrior torn facade that I must present to the world; the left over remnant of who I was created to be. I am looking for my true self hidden deeply within my spirit.
Anointing under construction; destruction is a friend of mine, he has been so inclined to warp my visage and turn me into a mystery; the inexplicable essence of God buried deeply in a plain brown paper bag; my once beautiful facade has turned into ashes in my hand. Thirty years ago my hair was black, I lacked for nothing during my isolated walk with God, but age has given me a nod, and gray hair adorns my head. I tried to to dye it away and almost ended up dead, an allergic reaction the doctor said.

Anointing under construction; I smile at the world that does not know nor comprehend my relationship with God. There is nothing that stands between my love for God. I have been stripped bare. I dwell over there in eternity; I am pleased to report my destiny has been sealed because God is pleased with me. Obedience to his word caused me to turn myself inside out throwing out all the dross, and casting aside all the dead weight. My spirit is light, and my soul is glowing in the golden light of his holy presence. I am free to take instant flights of delight into his glorious presence. There is nothing more valuable to me than the presence of God.

Anointing under construction; I left my love in the grave yard, my darling girl and my world turned dark for a long while; my sacrifice of praise was locked in a endless stone of pain, but I regained myself in his holy presence when I allowed him to minister to me, healing my brokenness. I mean, where else could I have gone? My love for God did not run away from home just because he wounded me. I picked up the pieces of my heart and went to Walmart, bought some glue and stuck all the pieces of my shredded dignity back together again. Now I have transitioned into another being, stronger, no longer holding on to anything or anyone. God has the power to arrest your floundering soul and cause you to become whole through the avenues of pain and suffering.

Anointing under construction; leaving everything in the tragic dust of lust, burying the woman inside of me, her desires; scorching fires coldly doused with the waters of the holy spirit. Celibacy is my mantra, for I know how to live according to his word, faithfully married to the Lord these past 30 plus years, and all my fears are suddenly gone. Seemingly, there is nowhere that I belong, this hapless soliloquy is laughing at me. Can anyone see themselves between the lines of this rambling song about my love for God? Your soul's peace with God is worth any price you have to pay, the sacrifice of all that you have, of all that you are and will be. This soliloquy is my praise and my hope that soon enough I will find a place in this world to call home, a place where I belong on the isle of tranquility singing songs to the one who loves me unconditionally. God only wants me to be the best that I can be, and if it causes him to strip me bare of all pretensions then I am ever there ready to let it all go for the opportunity to step inside the realms of eternal existence in his holy presence. 
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